3 Myths of Forgiveness in Christianity
Now is the season of Lent, or better known as the season of Easter. One of the main topics of Easter is forgiveness, because this is what we receive from God as a result of believing in Christ's sacrifice on the cross. Receiving forgiveness from God is an easy thing, but extending forgiveness to those who have wronged us can be a difficult one.
What are some common myths or misunderstandings about Christianity and forgiveness? Here are three:
- 1. Forgiveness means forgetting.
- 2. Forgiveness means accepting back the person who wronged us.
- 3. Forgiveness means immediate reconciliation.
Firstly, forgiveness does not mean forgetting. The Bible says that God is able to forgive and forget (Hebrews 8:12), but how about us? As mortal humans, we will never be able to forget something completely. Some things may not be easily recalled, but they will not be completely erased from our memory either. To forget something, two things need to happen; either our head is cut off (ie. we die) or it happened so long ago (ie. in childhood) that we have no memory of it. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, because the wrong done to us can be a lesson for a better future.
This brings us to the second myth: Forgiveness means accepting back the person who wronged us. This can happen, but it doesn’t have to. There are occasions when reconciliation can be achieved between two forgiving parties. For example, in the Hollywood movie “The Railway Man” (2013), Eric Lomax forgives Takashi Nagase for all the torture he suffered as a prisoner of war during the Thai-Burma railway construction in World War II. This is a good ending, but not always realistic.
There are situations where victims of abuse, like children, can be taught to forgive the person who wronged them, but for their safety and to avoid additional trauma, a child is not reconciled with the perpetrator. In forgiveness, wisdom is also needed. There are situations where forgiveness and reconciliation can happen; while there are situations where forgiveness is possible but to reunite the two parties would be a foolish move.
And last but not least, is the myth that forgiveness happens instantly, with immediate reconciliation without going through any sort of process. Some Christians are taught – or even forced to – forgive someone on the spot. This is illogical and does not consider basic human nature. A perfect God, without defects of emotion and will, can forgive in the blink of an eye. But a mortal, corrupt, sinful man – even if he is a Christian – carries within himself a corruption of personality. So forgiving overnight does not necessarily happen.
I myself do not immediately forgive people who cut in front of my car, or drive slowly on the outermost lane. I can forgive, but it takes a day or two to really let a person go. That and many other incidents require a process of forgiveness, which begins with saying “I forgive you” until we no longer have feelings of resentment or anger in our hearts.
We can pray for the strength to forgive, but we acknowledge that we are human, not angels, so that we forgive genuinely. Let the process take as much time as it needs, and let it be perfect and complete, rather than forgiving on the spot but still holding a grudge against the person.
Finally, we are reminded of a few things this Lent:
- 1. We forgive because we too have been forgiven. (Matthew 18:22-35)
- 2. We forgive because it is a command from God. (Ephesians 4:32)
- 3. We forgive because it brings us spiritual, emotional and physical health. (Job 42:8-10; Proverbs 3:7-8)