I come from a family deeply rooted in the Christian faith, however I never truly grasped its meaning and depth until recently. When I was nine years old, I was diagnosed with dyslexia and Attention Deficit Hyper Disorder (ADHD). I struggled with reading, writing, spelling and had difficulties with attention, hyperactivity and impulsivity.

Growing up with self-loathing and frustration

In primary school, I was a consistent D and E student. School was frustrating and I was filled with self-hate as friends picked on me for not being as smart as them. Dyslexia and ADHD also made me a perfectionist, an overthinker and people-pleaser. These led to stress, depressive thoughts, anxiety and panic attacks.

One particularly bad episode happened after high school. My IGCSE results were not good, and no college would accept me. I vividly remember that Saturday night after visiting several colleges and being turned down by all of them, I felt an overwhelming sense of failure. I couldn’t breathe, my heart was racing and I was physically choking, even though nothing was obstructing my airway.

At that moment, I broke down and called my parents. They comforted me and encouraged me to breathe deeply. My dad said, “Don't worry, we will get through this because God will never leave nor forsake you.” That gave me the strength to continue, and after a long walk and some reflection, I felt calmer.

Living with anxiety even in adulthood

Another instance occurred just last year during a school play when I was already working as a teacher. I had an intense workload and was juggling days, nights and weekends with little sleep. My perfectionist tendencies made the stress even worse. A week before the play, I had a panic attack while sitting in the teachers’ room.

My chest tightened, my hands started shaking and my vision blurred. I quickly rushed to the restroom and cried in the cubicle. Thankfully, a few colleagues noticed and asked me to tell them what was going on. Eventually, they helped me to realise the importance of setting boundaries and asking for help when the workload was too much.

Besides academic and work performance, my struggle also impacted my family emotionally and financially, despite my dad having a stable job. As a child, they spent money on my diagnosis by child psychologists, speech therapy, private tutoring and many therapy sessions.

I also grappled with mood swings and outbursts, and relatives would label me a troublemaker. Family gatherings were hard as I often felt judged or misunderstood. The sense of shame and inadequacy was real. In school, I couldn’t make friends easily because I feared rejection, so I kept my distance and this made me even lonelier and more isolated.

When others didn’t give up on me

But through it all, my parents never gave up on me. The church community, too, showed me love and support, especially the children's pastor. I found solace in Psalm 40:2’s “he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand” because it reminded me that I was anchored by a higher power.

Matthew 6:33 also encouraged me to seek God's kingdom first, trusting He would provide the wisdom and perseverance I needed. By prioritising my spiritual journey, I discovered creative methods that suited my learning style and with that, I was able to read and write properly.

Besides that, 1 Peter 5:10’s “… after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” also showed me that I could rely on God to help me through anxiety, and to find a sense of peace and purpose even when the path seemed unclear.

My faith is my source of strength

Through every mental health difficulty, my faith has been a source of strength and resilience. Through clinging onto God’s promises, I discovered a strength beyond my own and I’m able to live with renewed hope and clarity. Today, I stand as a living testament to God's faithfulness.

To anyone facing similar struggles, I urge you to hold fast to your faith. God sees your pain, hears your cries, and will never leave or forsake you. Surround yourself with a community of believers who will uplift and support you on this journey.

And remember, God's plans for you are far greater than anything you could imagine. Trust in His timing, lean on His strength, and watch as He turns your trials into triumphs.

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About Author

Lavan Rajendra is a true blue Malaysian teacher who enjoys fellowship over coffee and directing as well as writing theatre productions. He believes in God's strength (Philippians 4:13) and the great plans ahead (Jeremiah 29:11).