Family Abuse: My Journey to Healing
I grew up in a traditional Chinese family where male children are considered more important and valuable than female children. In this testimony, I would like to share how the Chinese culture that I was brought up in (especially on my mum’s side of the family) during my young age had affected me, and how knowing God later in life led me to forgive them.
Females can only have second hand things, but males can get and use the best of all things. All valuable items, such as the best foods, the best gifts, and any status in the family were given only to male children. Every male is a gift from God, but not a female.
My childhood in a traditional Chinese family
I was always told to be silent when I was hit or abused by my elder brother, or any of my mum’s relatives. From a young age, I looked more like my father’s side of the family, and I was told that I belonged to my father, not my mother. Whenever my brother did anything wrong, I was told to bear his sinful deeds.
Since I was a young girl, I had been physically, intellectually, emotionally and socially abused and persecuted by my own mother, sister, brother and mum’s side of the family. I never once experienced the true meaning of a loving hug, a kiss, or comforting and positive words.
I went through daily life being scolded and blamed for not being able to perfectly do simple chores like washing dishes or sweeping the floor. I remember trying my best to wake up as early as 4 a.m. to do the family chores before walking to school.
At the age of 16, I had to support myself financially and give money to my parents. Even though I followed my family to worship in their church, serve in ministries and lived as if I was a Christian, I doubted their God.
At the age of 13, I intended to commit suicide, but God’s voice stopped me. He called out to me in His loud but gentle and loving voice saying, “Do not be afraid.” I was touched. I cycled home that day, entering the bathroom to cry for almost an hour at this great loving touch of God. I did not know who He was at the time, but I intended to find out. He cannot be my family’s God, I thought.
Meeting God in the mountains of Belize
From 1998 to 2003, I followed my husband to Belize in Central America. Most of the time during the day, I was left alone. I read the Bible aloud not because I was devoted or wanted to, but because I was afraid. I was treating it like a talisman that could fight and protect me if I faced trouble or danger.
During this period, I was touched by the Lord Jesus Christ and came to know Him personally, receiving Him as my personal Saviour and Lord. Through reading the little pocket Bible given to me by a Gideon when I was 10 years old, and through praying, my eyes and ears were slowly opened. I came to understand that I was a sinner who needed a Saviour to set me free.